Any family facing separation knows the journey ahead won’t be easy. Sharing assets is one thing, but sharing children and their time can be even more daunting. Understandably, conflicts and challenges are expected during the process of shifting priorities, lives and living situations. But it doesn’t have to be all bad—there are some ways you can make the transition to being co-parents a little smoother for everyone involved.

Focus On Stability for the Children

Despite unresolvable differences, parents ultimately want what is best for their children. Putting shared goals and stability at the forefront will make things easier for everyone involved. It’s easy to consider what you want, but it’s important to think about what your children want too.

• Consider family divorce counseling as a key component as you move forward. It helps to keep important parts of your child’s life predictable and stable outside of the family home as you work through the process.
• If a move is involved, keep favorite items in both homes instead of carrying suitcases and items back and forth.

By staying on the same page with respect to what your children love and need outside of the home, you’ll be a step ahead when it comes to moving on in a healthy way.

Try Mediation and Seek Professional Guidance

Statistics show that separation often leads to divorce, and facing this reality is difficult to say the least. But whether your separation is a step toward divorce or a break with the chance of reconciliation, it’s best to seek guidance. This decreases the chance of indecisiveness and uncertainty.

• Therapy, divorce counseling or mediation can be a great first step, especially if you think you can move forward without legal advice.
• If mediation isn’t possible, ask a trusted community for guidance on hiring a legal advisor so that important decisions can be made.
• Take care of yourself and your own healing. Hiring a therapist or other certified health care professional who specializes in breakup help can be a way to move forward on your own, even when your partner is not able to.

It’s best to keep this matter private from your children. Do not share decisions until they are final. It does not help families to hold onto hope of reconciliation if no hope exists, so keep a level head when it comes to announcing large changes and decisions.

Lean Into Community and Extended Family

You and your partner had a shared community—now it’s time to rebuild your own. Stepping away from shared friends for a time is expected as you transition into your new co-parenting reality. If it means leaving some mutual relationships behind for a while, that’s okay. Here are a few ways you can rebuild your support network.

• Reach out to other parents who have been through the same thing. Find solidarity and a safe place to vent and gather helpful advice without judgement.
• Reach out to extended family members or close friends for help with school pick-ups, appointments and other needs as they arise.
• Make new connections by putting your time into a healthy pastime or hobby. Now might be the time to find a safety net in something that makes you happy.

Learning to move on means carving a safe space for you to feel secure and able to move ahead in a level-headed way. The more you can rely on the community and your network for help, the easier it will be for you to be fully present for your children.

Speak Kindly, and Compromise

Even if differences remain, your aim is to move forward and figure out what that looks like for your family in the future. Will you live together during this time? Will one of you move out? How will your time split with children look? How will you introduce a new partner in the future?

Allow children to have their own emotions and opinions about your separation and work through them together.

URL: https://pixabay.com/photos/family-holding-hands-parents-child-1866868/

These questions are easier to navigate if you keep an open line of communication with your partner, speak kindly and work through these “transactional” problems in an adult way. In many cases it’s fully possible to end a relationship mutually and co-parent without drama. If you both believe it can happen, it certainly can. Your children will likely follow your lead and grow into this new way of life with you, drama-free.

Main Featured image:

URL: https://pixabay.com/photos/family-park-portrait-poc-family-6886803/