inspiration Mandy Kloppers

Why I’ve stopped trying so hard

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I’ve stopped trying so hard when it comes to…

Dating

When I was dating I thought that maybe if I tried harder I would find someone to love me. Maybe the house I lived in wasn’t smart enough, big enough or in the right area. I wondered if I had a newer car that might give me the edge and I was constantly on some self improvement programme to get thinner and feel better about myself. I always wondered what the right formula would be and I was focusing in all the wrong places in my quest for acceptance and coupledom.

I’ve stopped trying so hard because I have come to realise over time that if it’s going to work, it will. Irrespective of the car or the house, or the way I looked (for the most part), if someone was the right fit for me – it would work out. This sounds a bit superficial but I can honestly say it’s true. I have found there is no clear correlation between what I have and finding true love. If two people are meant to be together then a car or house or postcode won’t make an iota of difference.

I still constantly feel the urge to try hard but I know this is unhelpful and a waste of time. I am more accepting of who I am and where I am in my life right now – the good and the bad. Just like everyone else, we can’t be perfect yet we constantly strive for me and in the process sell ourselves down the line. We are enough and we are okay right here, right now.

I’ve stopped trying so hard when it comes to pleasing others

You can’t please everyone all of the time. Get busy pleasing yourself and those people who are really important in your life. Forget about the rest – stop caring about what others think. We all care far too much and limit our lives because of this. Be brave and do what you want to do – you’ll find most people are actually quite accepting. If they aren’t – it’s their problem!

I’ve stopped trying so hard to stand out on twitter and other social media platforms

When I go on twitter, I feel so insignificant. There are literally thousands of people in mental health all vying for attention. It used to bother me until I decided to opt out. I still go on twitter BUT I have stopped comparing myself to the hundreds of strangers trying to gain attention and get their message heard. It dilutes my focus and the essence of who I am and my particuler stance on mental health. I try not to let what others are doing undermine my efforts. I am far happier doing this.

I’ve stopped trying so hard to be better than others

We all have our unique take on life and therefore all have a special and unique way that we get on in the world. There is always someone who will relate to my message and my way of sharing knowledge about mental health.

It’s absolutely wasted energy worrying about others – this is something beyond my control. I am far better off focusing on what I can do and what is within my control.

Most importantly, I’ve stopped trying so hard to be someone I’m not

As I get older I feel far more comfortable allowing my natural personality to show. I don’t hide the fact that I love animals and would like to give up eating meat. I show my humour more and have claimed my rightful place instead of feeling I need to subjugate my own needs and wishes to someone else’s. It’s so liberating! When you are true to yourself, you know that people know the real you, not a made up version.

The fact that I have given up trying so hard doesn’t mean I have given up but I am okay with right now and where I’m at currently.

Mandy X

 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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