Mandy Kloppers

Why do we stay with the wrong person?

Why do we stay in relationships that we know are wrong for us? There will be warning signs but you can bet your bottom dollar that we will justify these warning signs and continue…why?

Is it because we desperately want to love and be loved? Does this come before self respect and personal boundaries of what is acceptable behaviour? Why do we stay with the wrong person?

I have met various clients who have seemed ill suited. When there is hidden infidelity and/or physical and emotional abuse, I tend to believe that people shouldn’t stay together. Yet, on numerous occasions these same couples have gone on to marry.

Those clients in the throes of separating and divorce often tell me that they got married because they felt it was the right time and they might not meet anyone else suitable. Others have told me that everyone else was doing it so they thought they should too. The mind boggles.

One of the major reasons that people stay in the wrong relationships is due to  lack of self esteem. They are often people pleasers who do not value themselves enough. People with high self esteem almost seem to have an inbuilt “that’s enough” button that gets pressed and lets them know that it is time to make an exit.

Others may fear being alone, or have beliefs that they will appear a failure if they are single or get divorced. Our upbringings also affect our attitudes toward relationships and what we will be willing to put up with.

The most contented people are the ones who are in relationships because they want to be, not because they feel they need to be. A relationship should be a happy bonus, not an essential requirement for happiness.

Mandy X