Emotional Wellbeing

Mandy Kloppers

Why compassion wins over comparison

I’ve never been good with showing myself compassion. A lot of negative message growing up taught me to be incredibly self critical. I didn’t like myself at all and it’s taken 35 years (minimum) to get to a point where I can show myself a lot more compassion.

There really is a lot of wisdom in the title of this blog post. Most of us compare ourselves negatively to others. It’s one of the most self defeatest behaviours out there but we all do it. We take our version, warts and all, and compare it to another person’s more ‘pristine’ version. There are many gaps in their story and the comparison is inaccurate but we still do it.

All this does is encourage more self hatred and feelings of inadequacy. It serves no purpose at all. Instead, focusing on ourselves, our goals and what we need is far more productive. When I became more aware of all the negative inner dialogue, I tried to reframe this and show myself compassion. Boy, did that make a huge difference. I almost quite like myself now…I no longer berate myself endlessly as I don’t see the point in doing this. I try to give myself pep talks and encourage myself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself but it’s also important to accept yourself as you are. Thinking, “I’ll be happy when…I lose weight/get that face lift etc” is a path to low self esteem.

Treat yourself as you would a best friend. Kiss yourself in the mirror, remind yourself of all your good bits. Liking yourself is so underrated!

Mandy X