Mandy Kloppers

When To Leave A Long-Term Relationship


 When to leave a relationship

Is your relationship a disappointment? Has it not turned out quite the way you had hoped? How do you know whether you just have unrealistic expectations or whether you really do need to start making tracks? This is a very personal decision but read further for insights into very good reasons to leave…

1) Abuse

If there is any type of abuse in the relationship. ie. physical, verbal, mental or emotional – it is a good idea to get out. You are dealing with a damaged individual and it is probably best to cut your losses now.

2) The Physical Attraction has disappeared

If both parties are happy with a lack of sex there isn’t a problem. It becomes a problem though when one person still wants sex and the other doesn’t.  There are ways to work around this and counselling can sometimes help to rebuild the goodwill but this must not be left. Deal with it as soon as possible. I have witnessed marriages deteriorate when a lack of sex isn’t addressed. At times, one of the partners is tempted to have an affair and it can cause a lot of heartache. If you loathe the idea of your partner touching you or coming near you it might be time to re-assess

3) You Bring Out The Worst In Each Other

There is nothing worse than seeing two people who are not compatible. It is even worse to see that they bring out the worst in each other. If you find that you are constantly on edge or irritable around your partner or that you go into ‘grumpy mode’ it’s a sign to take stock. When resentment sets in for whatever reason, and effective communication decreases, people tend to start putting barriers up and become defensive. Then the criticisms eventually appear and the downhill slide is well under way.

4) You feel trapped and stifled

Some relationships end up being all about insecurity and control. If you feel that you have to stop being yourself in order to keep the peace, something is definitely wrong. We all have to make concessions and compromises but if you constantly find you are having to put your needs last, it will create tension and unhappiness for you. A relationship is all about give and take. Don’t change who you fundamentally are in order to keep a relationship going. This is short sighted and will lead to long term problems.

5) You fantasise about another life

Do you regularly daydream about another life…possibly with another person? We might all think this way fleetingly when our other half annoys us but if you regularly wish you were somewhere else it indicates restlessness within the relationship. Figure out what is lacking in your relationship and find ways to bridge the gap and reconnect.

Be careful not to look solely at the disadvantages of your relationship and the advantages of leaving. Ensure that you focus on the good bits in your relationship and the disadvantages of leaving to gain a balanced perspective. Many relationships can be saved with a little attention and nurturing.

If you would like extra help in restoring the goodwill between you and your partner – take a look at my latest ebook which focuses on repairing relationships and is written according to the couple counselling sessions I do with couples. This method has been tested and perfected over the last four years.

Mandy X