Mental Health

Mandy Kloppers

What it means to be sapiosexual

Being sapiosexual is when someone finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing, more so than good looks.

Understanding Sapiosexuality

For sapiosexuals, everything begins and ends with the brain. For sapiosexuals, intellect stimulates sexual attraction. Let’s take a look at what it means to be sapiosexual.

It Starts With the Brain

Because sapiosexuals are attracted to intellect, you can’t be a sapiosexual without the brain being triggered. There is no lust, liking, wanting, or sexual gratification unless the brain has been stimulated on an intellectual level first.

Anyone Can Be a Sapiosexual

Unlike gender-specific restrictions, sapiosexuality has no limitations. You can like men, women, trans people, bisexual people, or any person of any gender or sexual identity. You are free to be attracted to whomever you choose.

Sapiosexuals are attracted to and focus on the inner workings of a person’s mind more so than the other person’s exterior.

Sexuality Becomes Less of an Entity

When sapiosexuals are in search of a partner, they focus more on their potential mate’s intelligence instead of their looks. This means that superficial qualities like body shape, size, or facial features take a backseat.

Because intelligence is valued more than looks, sapiosexuals show their attraction for others in a way that’s different from the norm. So, if a sapiosexual is interested in you romantically, you can be sure that they value you for more than the way you look.

How to Know If You’re a Sapiosexual

Let’s take a look at some of the common attributes of a sapiosexual. If you find yourself agreeing with the majority of the following statements, there’s a good chance you’re a sapiosexual.

You Prefer Deep Conversations

If there’s nothing better to you than engaging in an intellectual conversation, then you’re definitely a sapiosexual. Sapiosexuals find themselves attracted to other people who can effectively express themselves articulately and listen to you do the same.

You Require Intellect in a Potential Partner

You’re a sapiosexual if you are easily aroused by someone’s ability to touch you without touching you…you know, make you steamy, intrigued, tantalized, and completely beside yourself with their oral expertise, but without an oral performance. If this sounds like you, you certainly sound like a sapiosexual.

You Believe Intelligence Is Sexier Than a Beach Bod

Sapiosexuals value an intelligent mind over a sexy body. So, if you’re more interested in what a person’s beliefs are, what they stand for, and you’re excited to learn about their morals, values, interests, then you’re definitely a sapiosexual.

You’re Attracted to Good Grammar

If you find it refreshing to see your date use “you’re” correctly, then it’s highly likely that you’re a sapiosexual. Good grammar is a must for sapiosexuals!

Your Ideal First Date Is a Cozy Bookstore

If you prefer quiet dates with no distractions or interruptions so you can engage in an intellectual conversation with a potential mate—you’re probably a sapiosexual. Likewise, sapiosexuals will likely prefer a smaller intimate setting for a first date over a bar or lounge.

Personal experiences of sapiosexuals

Woman A: Sapiosexual is a way for me to label and understand myself and what I want in a romantic relationship. I appreciate intelligence to a degree that it’s actively arousing.

Woman B: I am attracted to people who are intellectually stimulating. There is nothing sexier than sitting on a stoop at 4 A.M. with someone who has made such a compelling argument that I am questioning my own logic, or realizing a bias I never knew I had.

Woman C: To me, a sapiosexual is someone who values an intellectual approach to the world, is a critical thinker, and has an insatiable curiosity in life, whether it be in work or in play, and is attracted to the same in a partner.


Man A: Being sapiosexual means (to me) that it’s really hard for me to have one night stands because generally speaking, I’m not really sexually interested in someone until I’ve seen that ‘spark’ in their personality, regardless of their level of physical beauty.

Man B: It means that my perception of someone’s intelligence is one of the most important factors in my attraction to them. If I find a person physically or otherwise attractive, but they seem stupid, I lose all attraction. If someone is not so physically or otherwise attractive, but they seem smart, there’s a good chance I’m turned on.

Man C: It means that an intelligent partner is necessary for me to have a happy relationship. Others may prioritize intelligence, just as they may prioritize a sense of humor or warmth. But that doesn’t make them a sapiosexual.

What sapiosexuals find attractive

Being challenged intellectually, learning new things and being shown new perspectives on the world. Stimulating conversations. Stimulating their minds.

Intellect, kindness, loyalty, integrity, physical fitness, professional motivation and success, wit, humor, and humility

When someone has that zest about them where they are both knowledgable and passionate, and unique — then it’s on. I don’t care what it is they’re so passionate about— marine biology, high end menswear, sexual education in third world countries; that’s the turn on.

Intriguing conversation – a meeting of minds. Curious about the world, humour. Quick witted


Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

Interesting fact – demisexual

Though somewhat similar to sapiosexual, they are actually two very different terms. While a demisexual is someone who feels sexual attraction to someone only once they’ve emotionally bonded, a sapiosexual person finds themselves especially attracted to someone they view as intelligent.

Sexual identity/orientation – modern changes

Sexual identity is an ever-evolving area. The term demisexuality only entered the English language in 2006 but has quickly become a widely used term. If you are demisexual, you might feel like an “odd person out” in the world, but you’re certainly not alone. Remember to be true to yourself.

It’s important to accept that no one wants to feel stuck in a stereotypical box, including demisexuals, and the expansion of our vocabulary and understanding around sex and gender is reflective of that,”  “We are slowly but surely coming away from the rigid binary terminology that plagued our discussion of human sexuality for too many years.”