Relationships

Mandy Kloppers

Warning signs in relationships

Most of us would like to meet our perfect partner and stay together and in love forever. The reality, sadly,  is different. Couples get together and break up on a daily basis. Have you ever considered what the warning signs in relationships are? There are certain common characteristics to be alert for in any relationship. If you notice any of these signs, deal with them – don’t ignore them. What may seem sweet now may turn into a real problem long term.

Jealousy

In the beginning of a relationship, a little bit of jealousy may seem cute. It can make you feel loved and cared for. Beware though – jealousy can be toxic for a relationship. I am not talking about mild jealousy, I am talking about all consuming jealousy where you aren’t allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Jealousy is often closely linked to control.

Control

At first, control can seem as though your partner is really attentive. They offer to fetch you from work, they want to spend all their spare time with you. After a while though, this can become stifling. A partner who tries to dominate your time and alienate you from friends and family has a problem. That isn;t love, that’s control.

Emotional manipulation

“If you loved me you would do this for me” – this is an example of emotional manipulation. When someone uses emotional blackmail, it’s emotional abuse. If your partner manipulates you into doing things by insinuating that if you don’t do it, you don’t care, be very wary. A loving healthy relationship involves communication and compromise where each partner asks for what they want. They don’t go about getting what they want through emotional manipulation.

Dishonesty

If you catch your partner lying about big things such as having an affair – loud alarm bells should be going off in your head. Constant dishonesty over major issues such as money and fidelity suggests a lack of empathy. If there is a lack of empathy, a person is muvh more likely to do whatever they want regardless of the impact on their partner. The odd little white lie isn’t a problem.

Disregarding your needs

Is your partner selfish? Is it all about them? Make sure that you also ask for your needs to be met and if your partner regularly dismisses what you need in the relationship, it could be a warning sign of a lonely future. Dating someone who is selfish can end up a lonely and isolated existence.

We are all guilty of being selfish and inconsiderate at times but look out for a pattern of behaviour. Does it happen over and over again? This might be a clue of what your life will always be like if you accept this kind of behaviour. Let the other person know that they are not meeting your needs and let them know what they can do to make you feel more valued.

For example: If your partner spends the weekend as they want to and rarely considers what you would like to do, speak up. If they seem to have very little time for you, don’t stay silent.

In many ways we teach others how to treat us and if we remain passive when their behaviour is unacceptable, we are basically giving them permission to carry on doing the same thing to us.

Relationships need to be negotiated constantly. Two people come together with different backgrounds and different views on the world. When it works and when communication is good, a relationship can be a wonderful asset in life.

If you need help with your relationship, contact Talkspace, – online therapy with a licensed therapist. Sometimes, talking to a therapist/counsellor can help us to understand what is happening, especially when we are too involved in the situation and can’t be rational or objective.

Mandy X