Admitting to being lonely is probably worse than admitting you have herpes these days. No one talks about it. Yet there are so many lonely people out there. It’s sad to think about how many people live on this planet yet there are still people who feel alone, misunderstood and unsupported.
Why there is so much loneliness
There’s divorce, bereavement, empty next syndrome, depression, agoraphobia, fear of intimacy…so many ways that we can end up lonely. Some of us are lonely despite being married. You can even feel alone when you have endless social parties to attend. If you are not connected to those around you, you’re just as lonely as someone with no company. You go through the motions of daily family life but your external world doesn’t mirror what’s going on internally. We can feel isolated, as if no one understands us.
The thing is – we are not alone in our experiences. We irrationally compare our lives to the lives of others who seem to be busy, happy and doing all those things that we ‘should’ be doing. Many people are alone, right now, as you read this…
Loneliness is increasing too. More people work from home, the internet has encouraged people to be alone at home ‘socialising’. This type of interacting is quite superficial and does not meet the same social level as face-to-face interacting. It is an improvement on no interaction at all but it weaves an artificial sense of connecting with others that can easily be taken away (just pull the plug out the wall!).
So, think of the world as full of lonely people. We all want to love and feel loved. Most of us would welcome the right kind of friendship. Good friendships are the glue of life. They keep us happy, healthy and feeling in tune. This is more important than possessions…so much more..and it’s free!
Don’t fear others, see each new person as a potential new best friend. Many lonely people develop negative ideas of others, often as a defense mechanism. Breaking down these mental barriers puts us firmly back in the driver’s seat and facilitates meeting new people.
It’s okay to be lonely though. It doesn’t mean you’re defective. Lonely time can be great for refocusing and re-assessing. There are millions of lonely people out there, all pretending that it isn’t so. We are all together in our loneliness..that in itself makes us less lonely.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
