Mandy Kloppers

Think Your Spouse is Cheating? Here’s What to Do

Once you start feeling like something is off in your relationship, it can be hard to shake the thought that your spouse might be cheating. Although facing the reality of cheating can be mentally and emotionally trying, following these steps can help you determine whether your spouse is actually cheating and start the healing process.


Talk to your partner


If you suspect that your partner is cheating, it’s important to take time to identify what emotions you’re feeling and convey your feelings to your partner. Whether you’re experiencing anger, sadness, or jealousy, journaling can help you identify your deeper feelings and figure out how to start expressing these feelings to your partner.


After identifying your feelings, it’s time to sit down with your partner and have a conversation about how their behavior has affected you. During the conversation, stay confident and remember that your feelings are justified. Regardless of how your partner responds, standing up for yourself communicating your feelings will help you feel better and determine what steps to take next.


In addition, make sure to observe your partner’s response and body language. When accused of cheating, cheaters often respond with anger, lies, and denial. On the other hand, if your partner stares down at the floor in shame or towers over you in an attempt to feel more powerful, these are also telltale signs of insecurity. 


Provide evidence of the cheating


If your partner denies having cheated, it’s time to show them the evidence you’ve collected. If you’re not sure where to start, try looking for unexplained credit card charges, calls or text messages from unknown numbers, hidden email accounts, or dating apps. To figure out who your spouse is texting or calling, a cell phone number lookup can reveal who is behind the unknown phone number.


After showing your partner the evidence, ask them to be brutally honest with you. If it’s a one-time affair or your partner has cheated on multiple occasions, couples therapy may be able to help heal your relationship. However, in order for your relationship to move forward, your spouse needs to be willing to change and own up to their mistakes.


Set boundaries for healing


If you decide to move forward with your relationship, setting physical and emotional boundaries is essential in order to start the healing process. If your spouse has had sexual interactions with others, make sure to get tested for STDs as soon as possible.


Depending on the circumstances, you might decide to ask your spouse to sleep in another room or leave the house. It’s important to give yourself time to process the situation and practice self-care, so don’t be afraid to tell your spouse that you need time alone. In many cases, victims of cheating will choose to wait a few months before deciding to break up. Allow yourself to take as much time as you need to clear your mind and decide whether you want to continue the relationship.


Couples looking to work things out after a partner has cheated need to be willing to put in time and effort. Remember why you got together in the first place and ask yourself whether the relationship is worth the emotional pain of moving forward. While the worst-case scenario is breaking up or getting a divorce, working through the pain can be rewarding and actually strengthen your emotional bond.


In many cases, victims of cheating will dismiss their feelings as irrational or crazy. If you suspect your spouse of cheating, don’t accept lies or excuses for their behavior. Ultimately, confronting a cheating spouse will make it easier for you to start healing emotionally and decide whether you want to move forward with the relationship.

Mandy X

Photo by Elizabeth Tsung on Unsplash