Emotional Wellbeing


Self Improvement

Mandy Kloppers

The myth of emotional security

life ring photo

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
– Helen Keller

The myth of emotional security

Courage, self belief, faith and determination will serve you much better than the constant search for security that, in reality, does not exist. When we focus our attention obsessively on security we tend to become reactive. We play it safe and give in to our fearful thinking instead of making plans and taking calculated risks. We try to comfort ourselves by insuring ourselves to the hilt, life insurance, pet insurance, home insurance…yes, this will keep us safe. But does it?

When we mistakenly believe that emotional security is ‘out there’, something we can obtain somehow, we focus on getting this elusive safety and sideline our worthy goals. Instead of setting your own goals and making plans to achieve them, we err on the side of caution. Keep working at the stable job where skills are under-utilised, even though it doesn’t fulfill you. Remain in the unsatisfying relationship, even though you feel disconnected and lonely. The message we send ourselves in the name of safety and security: Accept your lot in life, and make the best of it. Go with the flow, and don’t rock the boat. Your only hope is that there is a positive plan for you somehow that will help you end up in a good place. 

Of course, life isn’t without it’s dangers but there is a huge difference between being too cautious and being reckless.How does fear hold you back? Is fear your master? We all fear failure, rejection, loss and heartache but it is those that can manage this fear and go ahead anyway that make the most out of their lives. Yes, it is easier said than done but this post serves as a reminder to put fear in its place and make plans anyway.

What difference would it make to your life if fear featured less in your plans? What would you do if you couldn’t fail? Perhaps you will be more successful but your fearful thoughts create all sorts of imagined situations that stop you in your tracks. Don’t listen to them.

The only type of security that you will ever really enjoy is the security that you give yourself through courage, self belief, faith and determination. This isn’t full-on ‘lock-down’ security but it’s a damn good personal arsenal. The more you avoid life and stay in your comfort zone the more reinforced your fears become. Push through them, you are the leader…not your fears.

The powers of the Universe reward the brave ones. The ones that don’t take life, or themselves, too seriously. Those that see life as a gift to be fully appreciated each and every day. Each day that you let pass without making steps towards a better you is a wasted day that can never be claimed back.

What are you waiting for? Write a list of your fears and begin an action list for tackling these items on your list. Write yourself a fear from. Number one on the list being the least scary and number ten being the most stressful action you think you could do.

Work your way through this list, slowly and steadily…gaining confidence and more courage as you go. Personal security comes from testing your own limits and pushing through them. When you know your strengths and weaknesses you are better placed to accurately estimate what you can achieve at any time.

Fear is your compass pointing you in the direction you need to go to grow and learn and become more enlightened.

Mandy X




Photo by Donnaphoto