Communication Styles
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Passive
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Assertive
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Aggressive
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| General | Compliant, submissive, talks little, vague non-committal communication, puts self down, praises others
“I don’t mind…that’s fine….yes alright” |
Actions and expressions fit with words spoken, firm but polite and clear messages, respectful of self and others
“That’s a good idea, and how about if we did this too…” or “I can see that, but I’d really like…”
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Sarcastic, harsh, always right, superior, know it all, interrupts, talks over others, critical, put-downs, patronising, disrespectful of others
“This is what we’re doing, if you don’t like it, tough” |
| Beliefs | You’re okay, I’m not
Has no opinion other than that the other person/s are always more important, so it doesn’t matter what they think anyway |
I’m okay, you’re okay
Believes or acts as if all the individuals involved are equal, each deserving of respect, and no more entitled than the other to have things done their way
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I’m okay, you’re not
Believe they are entitled to have things done their way, the way they want it to be done, because they are right, and others (and their needs) are less important
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| Eyes | Avoids eye contact, looks down, teary, pleading | Warm, welcoming, friendly, comfortable eye contact
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Narrow, emotion-less, staring, expressionless |
| Posture | Makes body smaller – stooped, leaning, hunched shoulders
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Relaxed, open, welcoming | Makes body bigger – upright, head high, shoulders out, hands on hips, feet apart |
| Hands | Together, fidgety, clammy
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Open, friendly and appropriate gestures | Pointing fingers, making fists, clenched, hands on hips
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| Consequences | Give in to others, don’t get what we want or need, self-critical thoughts, miserable
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Good relationships with others, happy with outcome and to compromise | Make enemies, upset others and self, feel angry and resentful |
