Mandy Kloppers

Some Really Good Advice…

happy photo

Some Really Good Advice…


There are some things you cannot change…like narcissists and people in denial

They can’t get enough—enough love, praise, attention, control. Psychologists categorize them as borderline personalities, narcissists, etc., etc., but all you need to remember is this: You cannot satiate them. Don’t even try. can be identified by a sensation that I think of as drain-strain. Sometimes it registers slowly, as though you’re a maple tree tapped for its syrup. Sometimes you can feel your energy being cannibalized in great, horrifying mouthfuls. Either way, drain-strain’s signature combination of exhaustion, aversion, and resentment means you’re throwing resources into an insatiable gullet. It’s bad for both you and the human beagles. They can feel satisfied only by creating an inner supply of happiness and empowerment. “Feeding” them leaves both of you weaker and hungrier. 

Do What Comes Easiest and most naturally

We should do what comes most naturally, reflexively, effortlessly. Many of my clients initially see this as irresponsible. They believe virtuous work means getting all tensed up and doing things they loathe. This is simply unsound marketing. My first and last sales principle is this: Love sells better than hate. Find a way to package what you can’t stop doing and what comes naturally to you. Don’;t change or resist it.

Should you go back to school? Only if it makes you salivate with desire. Should you stay home with your children? Yes—if the thought makes you feel as though someone’s rubbing your tummy. Would you rather have a job? Don’t apologize, just go ahead and work. 

Learn to Relax

Here’s one of the very few generalizations I believe unconditionally: There is not one useful thing we can do that we don’t do better when we’re relaxed. The harder, scarier, and more important the task you’re undertaking, the more you’ll benefit from relaxation. Are you speaking before a crowd of thousands? Relax! Sitting in a job interview? Relax! Being physically attacked? Any black belt will tell you that the first thing you should do, against all instinct, is relax, relax, relax!

Enjoy the ride

Instead of obsessing about the end result, enjoy the moment and the process of getting there. Be mindful and practise enjoying the here and now a little more. Life will seem fuller and more rewarding instead of being a huge rush to arrive somewhere that will, in all likelihood be an anti-climax. That may sound pessimistic but research had shown that our visualisations of future success and happiness are often incorrect and exaggerated. So enjoy now instead whilst the end result slowly get closer.

Trust Yourself More

This trust will be based on what you actually sense and believe, rather than polite words and social pressure, and that’s the only kind of trust you can always trust.

I’m perpetually surprised that people ask my advice when ordinary life is so crammed with useful lessons. I don’t know about Shakespeare’s trees, brooks, and stones, but I definitely know about human nature and how similar we can be even though we think we’re all so freakishly different. 

Mandy X



Source: Martha Beck

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