Sexually abused as a child
This is a new experience for me. I am a client of Mandy’s and she recently offered me the chance to write about my life for her blog. I was hesitant at first because I am a private person and it took courage to seek Mandy’s help in the beginning. The more I thought about it, the more I decided it would be a good idea to open up about my experiences. I like the idea that I can remain anonymous as some details of my life are best revealed independently. I do not feel strong enough to own some of my story.
I was sexually abused as a child by an Uncle. I never told anyone because I felt no one would listen and my Uncle told me that what we were doing was special between us and that my mom would get jealous if she knew. I believed that I was special and that this sexual attention was because I was better than other girls my age. At first it seemed exciting. This was during the time when he groomed me and would buy me presents and pay me lots of attention when he visited. I knew my mom loved me but she didn’t make me feel special in the same way.
It was when the attention turned sexual that I began to feel uncomfortable about my relationship with my uncle. Somehow, I knew that it felt wrong but I doubted my instincts. He was my clever uncle that other adults would talk to and ask for advice. How could he be doing something bad? Maybe I was the bad one?
There has been so much in the media lately about paedophiles. When I was younger, (I am in my late thirties now) these predators did not have a label and there was a lot of this going on behind the scenes. I know of at least two friends who have told me about casual encounters with adults involving fondling and kissing. We all thought it was normal.
Now, as an adult I can see how unequal the relationship was and how my uncle must have known that what he was doing was wrong. I used to wonder why my uncle would act differently towards me in front of others. He told me that it was more special that others didn’t know and that it wouldn’t be the same if we had to share our special relationship with others. My uncle groomed me from age 10 to 13 and then began being more physical with me. We never had full blown sex but he used to touch me a lot and ask me to touch him.
This sad man, who never married but had many girlfriends over the years died 7 years ago. It was then that I began to deal with the trauma of the past and the dirty secret I had lived with in my head for so long.
I am happily married now but I still have issues when it comes to men. I have had to work on seeing men in a neutral way and not just as sex pests. My husband has been very patient with me and has been a huge help in dealing with my past.
One of the most important things that Mandy has helped me with is the idea that none of it was my fault. He was the adult, I was the naive child. I can put this man who I trusted and admired where he belongs – seeing him for what he is/was. A weak man who preyed on young children, children he should have nurtured and protected, not taken advantage of.
Bronwen C./ Mandy X
Photo by quapan