Mandy Kloppers

Relationships: Not Attracted to my Partner Anymore

Experts say that the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship lasts between eighteen and twenty-four months. After that, the relationship tends to change and lust/infatuation diminishes. Hopefully, the fact that you know each other better means that you feel comfortable and at ease with each other meaning that the relationship can progress to a more satisfying level.
What do you do when you feel you are going through a phase where you feel less attracted (or not attracted at all) to your partner? Are there ways to increase attraction?
I have put together a few suggestions on how to restore the attraction and maintain it:

1) Do something exciting together

The element of surprise and of being out of your comfort zone allows for intense emotions. You have to rely on each other more when you are both in unfamiliar surroundings and this can reactivate positive emotions towards each other. Research has shown that the element of surprise can foster closeness between partners and reignite positive emotions.

2) Check Your Health

Underlying health issues can affect libido and attraction levels. Stress, fatigue, exhaustion, depression and hormonal issues, as well as getting older, can all be influential in your levels of attraction. If symptoms have been in existence for longer than three months, see your GP to rule out possible health causes.

When you are not attracted to your partner anymore, it may be due to a physical cause rather than a psychological one.

3) Love Yourself

The more self-acceptance you have, the easier it is to be accepting of others. When we have low self-esteem, we tend to want a partner that we feel is above us – either financially or as far as their status goes. Their ‘superiority’ makes up for where we feel we lack. When you like yourself, this need to bridge the gap doesn’t exist and you choose a partner for the right reasons.

4) Decide what “Attraction” really is for you

Attraction changes and you’re short-sighted if you expect to be physically attracted to someone in the exact same way that you were when you met them ten or twenty years earlier. Despite attraction changing, the attraction should still be there as opposed to feeling you are not attracted at allLongevity of a relationship relies on a holistic approach. Is your partner your best friend? Are they kind, patient and tolerant? Do they make you laugh?
There are many more aspects that contribute to a happy healthy relationship than just physical attraction.

5) Know Your Partner’s Love Language

According to Author, Gary Chapman, five love languages exist:
a) Quality time
b) Words of affirmation (compliments, encouragment)
c) Physical Touch
d) Acts of service
e) Gifts
What makes you feel loved? Most likely it is a combination of the above five but we will all have our preferences. Be sure to communicate your preferences to each other. Speak each other’s love language in order to encourage attraction.

6) Focus on Your Mental and Emotional Connection

The more connected you are on all three levels – physical, mental and emotional the more likely you are to have a fulfilling, close relationship. Make time for each other and ensure you are connecting and communicating about important stuff, not just about chores ad who will be picking up the kids from school. Monotony and routine becomes a part of life but don’t allow it to crowd out the important stuff. Make time to connect and really talk to each other about the meaningful things in life.
Relationships take work and it’s only the naive that believe a relationship will chug along happily without any effort. A relationship is about give and take…you both need to put effort and care into the relationship in order to reap rewards. A happy relationship cannot run on ’empty’.
Mandy X