relationships Mandy Kloppers

New Relationship Checklist

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New Relationship Checklist

A new relationship can be both exhilarating as well as scary. The love hormones are in full swing and we can feel giddy with excitement, allowing our thoughts to imagine all sorts of happy future scenarios.

On the other hand, we are getting to know someone we initially know very little about and people tend to be on their best behaviour initially. I have put together a “new relationship checklist” to help those of you in new relationships navigate the possible pitfalls and be one step ahead on the romance and dating game:

New Relationship Checklist:

1) If your new partner does have hidden negative traits, they will usually start to appear within 3-6 months. A person’s natural temperament and personality cannot be hidden forever and they will be unable to keep up the pretence for longer than 3-6 months.

2) Don’t ignore the warning signs. I have been in relationships and have looked back and seen the signs so clearly, yet at the time, I so wanted the relationship to work that I dismissed these signs. Our inner wisdom often nudges us, tune in and listen up – this could save you a lot of heartache.

3) Are you being swept off your feet but in an extreme manner? Be wary of any extremes. A person who rushes in and overdoes it on the romance front may be demonstrating an extreme aspect to their personality. Someone who is too gushy and sends you cards, flowers and constantly flatters you may be setting you up for a fall. This isn’t always the case but there are patterns of abusive people starting out relationships this way. They rush in to woo you, get you emotionally hooked as part of their strategy to gain control. The more emotionally hooked you are, the easier you are to control and manipulate.

4) Find out about your new partner’s romantic history. Do they still keep in touch with any of their exes? How did their last relationship end? Be wary as you may not be given the truth but sometimes a partner that has no contact with any of their ex partners and does not have many good female friendships may be hiding something. This alone does not mean that there is a problem however – use this checklist as a whole rather than looking at each point in isolation.

5) Possessiveness/control – look out for any signs of rigid thinking relating to life and others. Someone who is overly opinionated and judgemental might eventually turn that attitude onto you. Also be wary of anyone who seems to treat you as an object or seems to have firm ideas around flirting and chatting to members of the opposite sex – this may be their way of ‘grooming’ you to come round to their way of thinking.

6) Find out about your new partner’s family and his childhood. How does he get on with his family? Do they all get on and is the family dynamic stable? A person who has grown up in a healthy stable environment is more likely to treat you well whereas someone who had a difficult childhood or has cut out certain family members will be more likely to have personal issues that might spill out into your relationship.

7) Genuine empathy – does your new partner show you genuine empathy? Narcissists can say all the right things but they very rarely feel true empathy. They are unable to put themselves in other people’s shoes. If you get the feeling that your partner isn’t supportive and seems more absorbed with their wishes/wants/needs – be very wary. A healthy partner will know how to support you and won’t only use words to do this. Get to know the difference between genuine empathy and someone who is just good with words – this is superficial and will leave you feeling alone in the future.

The above list isn’t exhaustive and these are just a few of the main points I have noticed time and time again. This new relationship checklist isn’t meant to scare you either. I believe that it is better to be armed with the right information that can assist you in making informed decisions than obtaining the insight when it is too late.

Good relationships nourish, and bad relationships distract and harm. Good relationships, at root, allow each partner to feel accepted, while bad relationships often involve trying to change your partner. In bad relationships, men and women spend much of their time feeling frustrated, sad, angry, or resentful.

Above all – have fun, enjoy getting to know someone new and enjoy the ride but always be on the lookout for any warning signs in the initial stages.

Mandy X

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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