Life

Relationships

Mandy Kloppers

Making your relationship work

It seems that marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. People get taken in by what they see in the movies..people running through daisy fields, in slow motion to romantic music. Love scenes where everything goes perfectly and the couple are drop dead beautiful and so in love.
Screen back to reality…it’s just not like that in real life.
Marriage is hard work but I am going to give you a few tips that should help your marriage/relationship along…

Tips for a good relationship

1) Men – keep up the affection and compliments. Women need to feel loved and valued in between love making sessions. Women are conditioned to try look as physically good as possible – it’s a constant bombardment through the media. She needs to hear her partner tell her she still looks gorgeous and beautiful. This will go a long way to keeping the physical side of the relationship going.
2) Ladies – Make an effort in the sex department! Men need sex. If I had a Pound coin for all the married men I have counselled who feel sexually frustrated in their relationships due to the fact that their wives never seem to be in the mood anymore, I would be a very wealthy therapist! Make an effort, the more you are physically intimate, the more you want to be – the less you do it, the more it becomes a drag.
3) Have a date night at least once a fortnight (once a week is preferable). Life can get very monotonous, bills to pay, children to feed, housework and so on – it can rapidly destroy any romance left between you. That is why it is so important to make time to reconnect, have a laugh together and spend some time with each other. All too often I see couples growing apart. They function superbly on a day to day level and get through their lives but underneath they have lost the connection and don’t know each other anymore. We change as we go through our lives, make sure you keep up with the subtle changes going on in your partner.
4) Do a relationship health-check at least once a year. Are you on track? Are you happy? Is your communication still good? When communication becomes damaged, it can mean the beginning of the end. We feel misunderstood and start to make assumptions about our partner’s behaviour. The resentment then sets in and we start telling ourselves that our partners don’t care..we then decide that if they don’t care why should we, and we then start to do less for them…it’s not conducive to keeping your marriage on track. Don’t make assumptions. Ask for what you want and communicate your feelings and emotions clearly – DO NOT expect the other person to know what you are thinking.
5) Do something nice for each other EVERY day – something that the other person might not even notice but just do it anyway – it encourages good will and healthy feelings in the relationship. Make them a cup of tea/coffee..tidy away their belongings, fetch their dry cleaning, purchase flowers..etc…try to do something little every day…
6) Allow each other to ‘breathe’..support your partner to be the best person they can be. Let them have freedom to follow their dreams, see friends and have interests of their own. This is really healthy and will keep the relationship interesting. Allow your partner to express their individuality.

Don’t expect your relationship to chug along without any effort – think of it as a garden – if you don’t tend to it, it will become overgrown with weeds. A relationship is the same – it takes negotiation, understanding and compromise..

M x