Mandy Kloppers

love hate relationships


Love hate relationships

Are you in a love hate relationship? Love is a much broader emotion than hate. When love provides the foundation from where hate emerges, the hate can rise to an intensity that is far greater than it would have been without the initial love.

A state of inner conflict arises when we hate the person we love. It is however possible to feel these conflicting emotions simultaneously. It is also normal to have moments when you feel less “in love” than you usually do.

When we get to the stage of loving someone, we have opened ourselves up and made ourselves vulnerable in the process. Hate can become an intense emotion when we feel let down by the person we trusted. With love comes expectation. We all have different versions of how we imagine a romantic partner should behave and when we are disappointed, hate can ensue.

If you regularly feel conflicting emotions towards your partner, here are a few suggestions to get you on a more balanced and even keel:

1) Maintain perspective. It is not possible for one person to meet all of your emotional needs. A partner cannot be-romantic partner, best friend, therapist, confidante, mother, father et cetera

2) identify your own issues in the relationship transaction. Often when we have experienced emotional trauma in childhood, we may have a distorted idea of how a romantic relationship should unfold. Understanding where your expectations may be unrealistic is important in minimising negative emotions such as hate.

3) Communicate regularly. Don’t bottle things up. Speak to your partner when issues come up and find a way to resolve them together.

4) Maintain a social life separate from your partner. It is unhealthy for a couple to live in each other’s pockets. Ensure that you have a few friends that you can talk to. This will also help you to maintain perspective (see number one).

5) Don’t compare your partner to others. Comparing is damaging. You don’t even truly know what you are comparing your partner to. We never have the full picture of how someone else would be in reality. We only see what they want to show us whereas we get to see the full picture with our partners.

Trust your inner wisdom. If there is more hate than love – tune inwards. Our inner wisdom often warns us that in many cases we ignore this. Stay on your toes and don’t allow your desire to be in relationship to win over being in the right relationship.

Mandy X

Photo by admmac1


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