emotional wellbeing Mandy Kloppers

It’s So Unfair!

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Injustice exists everywhere. I have made myself sick with worry over the perceived wrongs that I have experienced. People I trusted who have let me down. People I thought I knew and actually used to respect have done things that have made me realise that I don’t even know them anymore. It makes me sad but I know that I am not the only one.
Part of getting through this imbalance of fairness in life is to start accepting that life isn’t always fair. Sometimes, we just cannot..no matter how hard we try..see justice prevail. We may be right but at times, when fighting the ‘system’, it is better to detach and let it be.
I am not one to give up in life but I have become better at picking my battles. Some battles just aren’t worth the effort – the emotional investment related to the outcome just don’t warrant involvement at times.
A good book I read many years back has an opening chapter that is based on exactly that – the unfairness of life and the idea that we should stop resisting.
The book is by M. Scott Peck and is called “The Road Less Travelled”..one of these first self help books I ever read.

If we aren’t careful, we can let the unfairness eat us up and it’s therefore really important to find ways to be at peace.

Here are a few suggestions:

1) Believe in karma. What goes around comes around. Those that intentionally go out to cause harm and distress to others are motivated by inner dysfunction and misery. They cannot be happy individuals. Allow this to offer you some solace
2) Surround yourself with like minded positive people. This will help to keep your spirits up
3) Instead of wallowing endlessly, get back up and be pro-active. Don’t allow the awful actions of others to have power over you.
4) Be careful not to over generalise. Not all people are bad – seek out good experiences. There are a lot of morally sound people in the world. Just because you have had a bad experience does not mean that everyone is the same. Don’t become bitter and twisted over what has happened to you.
5) Be optimistic and never give up hope.
6) Accept that some people are just screwed up and nothing you do will change that. Don’t waste any more energy on them. Aim to get yourself to a place where you are indifferent to them. You no longer hate them, you no longer care about them. You just don’t care…period.
7) The more you are able to detach from them the better. Getting upset over them allows them control over you. They are probably off somewhere smiling and not thinking of you at all. Do not let them stay in your mind more than is necessary.
8) Make sure you are aware of what you can control and what you can’t control. Go for it if it is something you can control eg. initiating a law suit to address the imbalance. You can’t change a damaged person. Narcissists and those with personality disorders are especially immune to positive change…give up trying to change that part of the equation.

Keep perspective, do what you can but do not allow the situation to get blown out of proportion in your mind. Be happy in spite of the cruelty/insensitivity of others – that is the best revenge!

Mandy X

For a bit of fun..try Mandy’s iphone app: Life Wisdom https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/life-wisdom/id392898772?mt=8 More on Mandy: https://www.mandyjane-lifedesign.com The author of this blog lives in Surrey, UK and offers counselling to couples and individuals. All names have been changed to protect the identity of clients. Personal client stories shared in this blog have been published with prior permission from the relevant clients.

Photo by spacepleb

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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