One in five of us finds love online these days. Like everything in life, there are pros and cons to internet dating. I have tried internet dating in the past and have the privilege of hearing many of my client’s stories of their dating escapades.
I decided to put together a list of do’s and dont’s from my own experience and that of my clients.
I have found the most success on Match.com as there seems to be a wide variety of people on there and the site is user friendly. It always pays to meet in a public place for the first few dates and take your time getting to know someone.
There seems to be a different psychology at play when meeting someone from a website as opposed to meeting someone during the natural course of life. A tick-box mentality exists when dating online and we have a much higher criteria for a possible date than we do when meeting people randomly, As a result I think we tend to take longer to find someone from the internet as we often believe that there is a long queue of suitable partners at the touch of a button if this date doesn’t work out. We are less inclined to take people at face value and instead, we focus on whether they fit the bill and out requirements.
DO:
Put up a picture and write an original bio.
Keep your options open initially. The unspoken rules of internet dating is that almost everyone is multi-dating. Once you have seen someone, on average, 3 -4 times, it might be time to talk about leaving the website and focusing on each other.
Maintain a sense of fun, don’t take the process too seriously and see it as a way to meet many new people that you wouldn’t ordinarily cross paths with. I have met some wonderful people that I am still friends with – people I would never normally have come into contact with. This is one great thing about the internet.
Be yourself
Give people the benefit of the doubt. We become hyper critical of others when we meet them for an internet date. We have specified the age, body type and possibly even eye colour of a potential date and this puts us into assessment mode. Try to get out of that frame of mind and see the person for who they are,not what you specified when looking on the website.
DON’T:
Don’t use words such as “fun loving” – overused and unoriginal.
Don’t say “I am happy going out or being at home with a bottle of wine”…almost every profile has this in it. It’s okay to say this but put it differently…be original!
Don’t try too hard. Leave it at least a day before contacting your date again. It’s fine to text straight after a date to say you had a lovely time but don’t plan a next date straight away.
The above are only guidelines, above all – use your common sense and your intuition. When you meet the right person, you will know. It will feel relaxed and easy.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
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