mental health Mandy Kloppers

How to Move On After a Toxic Relationship

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Most people have a desire to find love. For a lot of people being in a relationship is joyous, filled with plenty of years of love and harmony. However, for many, that’s not the case. Sometimes you’ll find that you’ve entered into a toxic relationship. This happens to plenty of people, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, sometimes two people just aren’t good for each other. When this happens, it’s usually best to break off the relationship. Moving on after a toxic relationship isn’t always easy to do. Here are some tips to help you move on when things weren’t right.

Don’t Contact Them

This may seem like a simple suggestion, but it’s not always that easy. Toxic relationships are often intense and are full of strong emotions. Because of this, you may find yourself wanting to contact your ex after you’ve broken it off. Your body and brain are so very used to reacting to those strong emotions, that it goes into withdrawal without them.

Even if you didn’t enjoy those strong emotions, your brain recognized them as a form of adrenaline, which is often addictive. It’s never a good idea to contact that ex. They haven’t changed and things likely won’t be better if you try again. You’ll have to treat it like a drug addiction and go no contact. Over time this urge will diminish and you’ll allow yourself to be open to healthy relationships instead.

You May Not Get Closure

Part of moving on after a toxic relationship is realizing that you may never get the closure you’d like. This is especially true with a relationship that involves cheating. You may ask yourself “why do men cheat on good women?” but you’ll probably never get a good answer.

Accepting that you’ll never know the answers is a big part of moving on after this type of relationship. It isn’t easy to do, but it’s often vital. It’s also important to remember that sometimes there are no good answers if there’s any answer at all. There are a variety of reasons why someone cheats. There’s also a variety of reasons why a relationship may have been toxic, but none of them matter in the end, and it’s best to accept that and move on.

Get Counseling

Sometimes one of the best ways to move on after a toxic relationship is to get counseling. Plenty of people go to counseling, and it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you, it just means you need a little extra help from time to time. Counseling will help you process the relationship and your feelings about it.

Many people who were in toxic and abusive relationships benefit from attending counseling frequently. It allows a healthy way to move on and process everything that you’ve been through. Finding a good counselor is easier than ever. You just may be surprised at how much it actually does help, especially with this type of situation, as it involves a lot of grief and intense emotions.

Go Find Yourself

Sometimes a toxic relationship and a break-up is exactly the right thing to help you realize what you want in your life, and who you are. Consider this process as a part of the path of re-discovery. Use your sadness and emotions and direct them into something productive. This is the perfect time to take a step back to realize who you are and where you’re heading.

You’ve spent long enough dealing with stress and toxicity, now is the time to travel, make new friends, try a new look, to do things that make you happy. Consider what type of life you want, and go out and try to get it. Use this new freedom to become the best version of yourself, unapologetically. You’ve probably learned so much about yourself through that relationship, use it and become yourself again, you certainly deserve it.

Moving on after a toxic relationship isn’t always easy. It’s a painful process, but it’s worth it. Nobody deserves to live their life in a relationship that does more harm than good. Take this breakup and use it to find who you are. There are many ways to move on, and sometimes that requires a little help from a therapist. No matter how long the process takes, remember to never look back, you’ve got a great future ahead of you, without the toxic weight.

 

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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