Mandy Kloppers

How to Build resilience and happiness within you

happy photo

How to build resilience and happiness within you

If you want to be unhappy, make sure that you gain your self esteem and validation from external sources and temporary pleasures. The most insightful and wise way to improve contentment is to build a strong inner core within yourself of self acceptance – a core that cannot be taken away by something external. How precarious will your confidence be if it relies upon someone treating you a certain way? How sad it is if a person lacks the necessary skills to comfort you and connect with you – internalising another person’s lack and personalising this lack so that you end up blaming yourself is a true pity.

You can’t control others so never base your worth on their behaviour. If someone does not treat you in a loving way, it does not automatically mean that you are not loveable. Never jump to this conclusion. Take complete responsibility for your own happiness and don’t expect someone else to make you happy. If they do see it as a bonus but not as the only way to feel good about yourself.

You can choose to feel happy now. Watch any talk that goes like this: “I will be happy when I am in a relationship” or “I will be happy when I am rich, thinner, more popular etc”.

Happiness is an inside job – you carry it around with you by the way you see yourself and the interpretations you make about the world and people around you. We all have insecurities and other people can be huge triggers for our feelings of self doubt.

Here are suggestions to help you build you inner self-love-core:

1) Remind yourself regularly of your strengths and achievements.

2) Make a list of things you like about yourself and keep it nearby – read it regularly.

3) Don’t compare yourself to others. Instead compare yourself to where you have come from. Look at how far you have progressed in your life. We are all on our own path of enlightenment.

4) See yourself as separate from how others treat you. Never associate your level of worth and love according to how others treat you – especially when their behaviour is negative. Their bad behaviour is more likely to be about them and their lack, than about you.

5) Regularly talk to yourself in a positive way – examples: “I am good company”, “I have a great sense of humour”, “Why wouldn’t anyone want to spend time with me?”. We all find it easy to look at our faults – stop doing that. It won’t help you, it will just make you feel sad. We all have faults, just focus on the good stuff. Watch the negative self talk – it is so destructive.

6) “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. – Eleanor Roosevelt. Other people will have their opinions and you will not be able to please everyone, so be true to yourself and follow your heart. There will always be the ‘judgers’. Be happy, be in your bubble. Protect your happiness and self worth at all costs. No one is worth taking that from you.

Mandy X