Helpful thinking
I attended a CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) workshop led by Steve Hollon at Surrey University a while ago. He was inspirational and one of his catch phrases that he used with clients is “how is that working for you?” I love this sentence as it helps clients focus on behaviour that generally isn’t helpful.
When they break it down they soon realise that some of their behaviours are counterproductive. Analyse the benefits and they find that there are no obvious ones, and a shift in thinking takes place.
Self-sabotage
Many of us self sabotage or hold on to behaviour out of habit rather than for the benefits it brings us. It can be so routine that we don’t even question why we do things or react the way we do. Patterns of behaviour can persist without much self-reflection. A shake-up brings uncertainty but also the promise of greater fulfilment.
Self-awareness
Take an audit – what behaviour do you engage in that isn’t working for you? Are you in a dead-end relationship? Do you avoid looking after yourself preferring the unhealthy alternative? Consider why you do this.
Do you get angry when you know it would be a better idea to take some time out before responding? Are you driving people away with your unhelpful patterns?
Make a list of incidents in the last few weeks where you feel you haven’t handled something to the best of your ability. What was going on? Were you staying silent when it would have been better to express yourself or vice versa? Have you been spending too much money or overeating to cope with stress and anxiety? Have you been withdrawing from others and isolating yourself and then feeling lonely?
Think about what would happen if you did the opposite? Figure out what you might fear happening and consider how realistic your fears are. usually our thoughts tell us a far worse story than the actual reality.
How is that working for you??
M x
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
