Depression – A Client’s Perspective
Sometimes, I am privileged to find a client that is happy to share their experiences with others. One of my clients, let’s call her “Stella” agreed to write a guest post to give others insight into the life of someone who is chronically depressed. Here is her story:
“Depression has been in my life since my early twenties and it is something I have become used to living with. People tell me to “pull myself together” or to stop feeling sorry for myself which makes me feel worse. I wish I could fix it that easily but I can’t. Depression is a mental illness and people don’t take it seriously. You can’t see it and this makes people feel it isn’t real but to me it is as real as a broken arm. It stops me living my life in so many ways.
I constantly doubt myself. I try hard Â not to see the negatives in life but when depressed I cannot adjust my thinking. I don’t want to see anyone and I don’t want to go out. Even getting dressed or washing myself is something I find hard to do. Everything is so much effort. I feel worthless and useless and often think “what’s the point?”. I know this is a terrible attitude and I get mad at myself but I haven’t got the energy or the motivation to do anything to change it.
I have found that when I force myself to get dressed and go out that I tend to feel better but it is one of the hardest things to do. It’s not that I am afraid of being outside, it’s that it is too much effort. I want to sleep to escape. Life seems bleak when depressed.
I am slowly learning ways to move forward and now and then I feel some excitement again. Something I haven’t felt for a long time. It sometimes feels as though someone has taken a large syringe and sucked all the joy, excitement, enthusiasm and zest for life from me and left me with an overload of abject misery. I am drowning at times.
Since trying anti depressants I have improved although I don’t want to be on them forever. The medication and Mandy’sÂ help is definitely making life easier and I feel I am getting back to my old self. I am even starting to look after myself again and brush my teeth daily. I am also looking forward to small things now whereas before I didn’t think about the future at all.
Depression is debilitating and anyone who tells a depressed person to “get over it” is ignorant and does not understand what depression is.”