Mandy Kloppers

Dating: How to find a girlfriend

Tips on how to find a girlfriend

Some of my clients find women quite confusing and don’t get females at all. Do they mean what they say? Say what they mean? Does “no” mean “yes”?
It made me realise that there are many men who find the female species very daunting, hence this blog to help those in need of a bit of guidance.

1) It really is true, unfortunately. Women tend not to like guys who are too nice. By doing too much too soon you are inadvertently giving off a message that she is better than you and that you need to impress her. I have never liked the idea of playing games but in some ways you have no option but to engage in subtle games to achieve success.
So, act casual, be attentive but don’t try too hard to impress her. This doesn’t mean turning up for a date with greasy hair and food down your front (although some women might quite like that..hmmm)…this is more to do with behaviour than appearance.

2) Appearance, Appearance, Appearance. Always look your best and attend to personal hygiene. This may seem common sense but the number of female clients I have met who have moaned about men’s hygiene is too numerous to count. Turn up clean & groomed and you’re ahead of the pack…

3) Pay for the first date. I am all for equality but it sets the scene for a happy future. I know this seems to contradict point number one, but this is an exception. If she’s a keeper, she will offer to pay the second time round but a woman likes to see that a man can be generous and give a little. No one likes a tight ass… (figuratively speaking!) so don’t be a cheap skate.

4) Don’t talk about your exes much. It’s okay to mention an ex, after all, you do have a past but don’t go on about it and try not to be negative either. A new date will judge you on how you speak about your ex.

5) Match her level of contact. If she texts once a day then text her once a day. If she sends short messages then reply with a similar length. Again – this is about establishing value – you are equals..even if you feel she is out of her league..never ever let on!

6) Act confident. This can be tricky if you don’t feel it but don’t be negative about yourself whilst you are still getting to know her. Talk positively about yourself and be positive. She will like the way she feels when she is with you.

7) Nurture your sense of humour! Women love a man who can make them laugh.

8) Never act like a ‘player’. Women have an in-built radar and are always on the lookout for men that they think are just after sex. If they think that this is what you are after, you are unlikely to last very long with her. That’s okay if you really are just after sex but if you want a relationship, be sincere, open and honest and don’t try to undress her at least until the third date. Women love it when they feel a man fancies them but that he is just as intrigued by her intelligence and personality.

Happy Dating….

Mandy X


The author of this blog lives in Surrey, UK and offers counselling to couples and individuals. All names have been changed to protect the identity of clients. Personal client stories shared in this blog have been published with prior permission from the relevant clients.