Mandy Kloppers

Conscious Uncoupling


The first time I heard the term “conscious uncoupling” was last week when I found out that Gywneth Paltrow and Chris martin were separating. An interesting term I thought and it got me thinking…

Conscious uncoupling is a very modern day term that describes a controlled and thought out separation involving self compassion and mindfulness. It isn’t a new term and was first used by Katherine Woodward Thomas who developed a five week programme to ease couples into being single again. I suppose that 0ut of all the types of separation, this is the ‘nicest’ one as it is preferable to angry and unwelcome uncoupling. I doubt that real life is that black and white though but for PR purposes it fits the bill.

But there are four possible alternatives:

1) conscious uncoupling

2) unconscious coupling

3) conscious coupling

4)unconscious uncoupling

Conscious Uncoupling

A thought out and well planned separation

Unconscious Coupling

Harville Hendrix wrote a book which outlined the above although he didn’t use the above term. Sometimes we are attracted to people on an unconscious level – this attraction comes from something familiar. Something from our childhoods perhaps that clicks with us on some level. That’s why sometimes we find we go for the same type of person and get stuck in a cycle of abuse. Harville Hendrix has a theory for this called “Imago Theory”.

Conscious Coupling

Making the conscious decision to date someone and knowing the implications of your decisions. This is positive health behaviour and promotes relationship longevity.

Unconscious Uncoupling

I see this a lot in life. Couples who are growing apart and stop making an effort with each other. By the time they realise that the relationship is over, they either don’t care or it’s too late to repair the damage.

Which one has affected you? If you’re in the unconscious uncoupling category and you still care about your partner, make changes now. Love from another person is precious.

Mandy X

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