emotional wellbeing Mandy Kloppers

Compare and despair

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One of the leading causes of unhappiness in the world is due to the fact that we all compare and despair. Cognitive Behavioural Therapists refer to this as a thinking error. Often we are making a faulty comparison as we are comparing what we know about ourselves (warts and all) with the vision that others present us with. We don’t have a full picture of another person’s life therefore the comparison is wholly inaccurate.

Comparing our lives to others is a waste of energy. We are all on different paths – some are happy with nothing, some have everything yet are miserable. Some start out well but come crashing down whereas others start off slwoly gaining momentum over time. Just because someone seems successful doesn’t mean that they are happy and fulfilled.

When we compare and despair, we inevitably focus on what isn’t going well in our own lives and assume that others have it all together. This is far from the truth. I once looked at my neighbours where I used to live and thought they had the perfect life, yet, coincidentally, this family came to see me for counselling several weeks later! Turns out there was domestic violence going on behind closed doors- you never can tell.

Focus on yourself

It’s far better to focus on yourself, your values and your goals. Don’t get married just because it’s what everyone else is doing – you’d be amazed athow many clients have admitted to doing just that!

If you must compare – compare yourself one or two years ago to where you are now.

Live according to your values for fulfilment

Figure out what it is that is truly important to you – health, love, friendship, family, freedom, adventure, independence etc Use these to guide you into the future. when you compare yourself to others, you can end up going off your true path and end up even less happy than before.

You need to dance to your own rhythmn, make it up as you go but be unique and do what you feel is right for you without being persuaded by what others are doing. Be in tune with yourself and don’t care what others think. Most people regret not being true to themselves and caring too much what others think.

Mandy X

Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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