Mandy Kloppers

Cheating – is it selfishness or insecurity?

There are three types of people that tend to cheat in relationships:

  • Selfish people
  • Insecure people
  • Narcissists

There are many reasons why people are unfaithful and each situation is unique, there are however some commonalities.

We all long for two things – security, safety but we also long for adventure and fun. It’s a constant balance between the two and at times, the mundane can lead someone to long for adventure and something different. Of the many clients I have spoken to who have had affairs, they all say that they love the feeling of “being alive”.

Ways to reduce the chances of an affair

Have empathy for how the other person might be feeling.

Present your best self as much as possible. Do you give the best if yourself to colleagues and give your partner the ‘leftovers’?

Talk about your feelings rather than blaming your partner. Eg I feel (emotion) when you (behaviour)…

Communicate often and don;t allow things to be left unsaid. This is when resentment creeps in and causes trouble. Goodwill reduces and chances of a longterm relationship diminish rapidly.

When you regard your partner with contempt – it is the beginning of the end. Reduce resentment by talking in a non-confrontational manner – this helps you ‘reset to zero’

We all want to feel loved and validated, that’s the bottom line. What are you doing to make your partner feel loved and wanted. How do they know that you are happy to be with them? Show them, give positive feedback and offer small gestures of kindness. This can go a long way to keeping a relationship happy.

Mandy X