Self Improvement

Mandy Kloppers

Are you afraid of intimacy?


Are you afraid of intimacy?

Fear of rejection stops many people from being intimate with another person. I am not necessarily talking about physical intimacy (although that is part of it). More specifically, I am referring to emotional intimacy. Letting someone in and allowing them to get to know you is scary. When we make ourselves vulnerable to another human being it can conjure up all sorts of fears and insecurities. Thoughts such as “Will they still approve of me? Will they reject me?” can stop many otherwise brave people from seeking intimacy.

Insecure attachment style

I have certainly been there. The less confident I feel about myself, the less I want to let others in. Combine that with an insecure attachment and it’s very likely I will end up a lonely old woman surrounded by proverbial cats (and some chickens please…)

The thing is, to really experience that wonderful feeling of togetherness, love and acceptance, we have to take risks. The choice is to either remain aloof and avoid getting close to others, or take the plunge and dare to let someone else have the chance to love you. When I look at it like that, it seems a no-brainer. Take the risk because the rewards can be so fulfilling.

Emotional baggage

Be aware of faulty assumptions about others. We all have emotional baggage and the more we carry, the more we tend to fear intimacy. Remember to put the baggage aside and try to see each new potential partner with an open mind unencumbered by past nonsense. Sure you may have been hurt in the past, but you allow the past hurt (and those that hurt you) to continue to have power over you if you choose isolation and avoidance. Their legacy lives on if you choose that path. Instead, put two fingers up at those who have hurt you in the past and tell yourself every day how damn loveable you are and how much you deserve to be loved.

Be open-minded

I can’t promise that this will land you the love of your life, but you will be far better placed to find someone if you are willing to keep an open-minded attitude than if you shut your wonderful self away. Someone somewhere out there is perfect you and they are probably searching for you too. Never give up hope on finding love. Some days are bleak, I get that but believe in love and it is more likely to find you. I’ve got my fingers crossed!!

Mandy X