Mental Health

Mandy Kloppers

5 Reasons Why Your Partner Might Be Pulling Away From You

Do you sense relationship trouble on the horizon? Sometimes, problems don’t surface as vicious arguments. They arise when you start to feel more distant from the one you love.


What causes otherwise loving couples to drift apart? Here are five reasons why your partner might be pulling away from you and what to do to reignite the spark.

1. They Don’t Share Your Future Goals


You dream about a farmhouse with acreage, but your mate wouldn’t dream of giving up their downtown loft. Their pulling away from you might not have to do with anything you did. It could, instead, reflect their hesitancy to spend every weekend commuting to the country.


You might love your partner very much but still not see yourself sharing a future with them. Sometimes, you can make things work. For example, super-busy professionals might adore a long-distance relationship because it gives them time to work on their ambitions when apart.


However, if you can’t stomach the thought of sometimes waking up alone, and you aren’t willing to compromise, it might be time to split. You can still be friends, even if you don’t work out romantically.

2. They Lost Trust


Another reason why your partner might be pulling away occurs if they begin losing trust in you. This dynamic doesn’t only happen after infidelity, although that can certainly tear a relationship apart.


However, no one likes to feel like their partner lies to them about other matters. Breaking a promise about other issues can make your loved one wonder what else you said but didn’t mean.


If you find yourself pulling away from someone out of mistrust, examine your motivations. Sometimes, a previous relationship makes you afraid to get hurt again. If you have past doubts interfering with your present happiness, please seek the help of a qualified therapist to work through your insecurities.

3. The Physical Attraction Fizzled


People change throughout their relationships. This phenomenon sometimes occurs when the initial glow fades, and you begin to recognize that you and your partner might not be all that compatible. Sometimes, people form a fantasy bond with another, not out of genuine love but because they fear being alone or crave a fairy tale romance. When the reality of daily existence interrupts their daydream, they become disillusioned.

Other times, though, the fading physical attraction is something that you can address. For example, many health conditions can make your breath smell different, potentially leaving your partner unwilling to kiss you. Once you address the underlying issue, you can reestablish intimacy with the one you love.


Ideally, you shouldn’t base your relationship on physical attraction. After all, people do change as they age. That doesn’t mean that you can’t do things to increase your appeal to your partner at any age, like exercising, keeping up with good hygiene practices and eating a healthy diet.

4. They Have Other Things on Their Mind


Your partner may sometimes seem to pull away, even if they remain 100% committed to your relationship. The problem may have nothing to do with you if they are distracted by other things.


For example, if your partner is worried about a possible merger affecting their position at work, they may seem to grow distant. Perhaps they don’t want to worry you if you share joint finances, or maybe the news triggered deep-seated fears stemming from past job loss that leaves them edgy. They may retreat to spare you from their challenging feelings.


Please offer your support and gently inquire if there’s anything that you can do. You might need to give your partner distance temporarily. Letting them know they always have your support can bring you closer.

5. They’re Thinking of Ending Things


Finally, your partner might be pulling away from you because they’re ambivalent about ending things. Pay attention if they couple their avoidance with frequently picking fights or making you feel unappreciated. They could be hoping that you will break up with them so that they don’t have to feel like the “bad guy.”


Clinging to a partner who has one foot out the door rarely works. Instead, give them the space they need. This advice doesn’t mean hiding alone in your pad with nothing but a pint of Ben and Jerry’s for company. You can certainly do so if that’s what your feelings need to heal. Just remember, finding out your former partner wasn’t right for you opens the door to discovering the right one.

Is Your Partner Pulling Away From You?


If you’re sensing more distance in your relationship, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner. Discovering why they might be pulling away from you is the first step towards mending the rift or moving on separately.

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